It’s been nearly a year and some pretty intensive therapy - and I may be back to some level of sanity (yay?). As fun as it is to run exclusively on caffeine and sugar to function - crashing is inevitable. And given how many times I have crashed in my life you would think I would know this by now…
But I digress… It has been so long since I've done anything somewhat personal so please forgive this reckless and chaotic stream of consciousness as I spew my mental illness into this tiny corner of the internet I forget is actually public.
As much as I would love to blame all of my problems on COVID - l also seem to be quite fucked up in the head. And being stuck at home, giving myself the excuse to not get out of bed. My irrational fear of leaving the house is now incredibly rational, so it got kinda weird, for a while. We have hit the two-year mark - and this is where the real and genuine fatigue begins to set in. Plague sweeping the earth isn't as exciting as it once was. The sparkle is gone when it comes to getting groceries being a life and death situation.
Fun fact I didn't know in high school: putting yourself in dangerous situations is a form of self-harm, or at least attempted self-harm. Crossing the street without looking because you don't give a shit anymore, binge eating foods you are allergic to, or you know will make you sick, and now, going out into a pandemic without anything to keep you safe when you know the risk.
As much as everyone seems to be pushing that we are going back to normal, begin to be social again, and there’s no need to worry… we have all been deeply scarred and I know four people with covid right now, three of whom are children. School is a new kind of nightmare. On top of the old one.
